Light and Love

I am astounded by the opening of my heart today. It is Mother's Day and a miracle happened for me. I was given a ticket to see an opera, Lucia di Lamamoor. It was incredibly wonderful. There is tremendous joy in trusting in God. I feel so much joy just by being myself and emjoying the love for myself and my Creator. The music was so beautiful, it included the most human dramas of special relationship. It reminded me of what I just released.

I only know that the light of my mind is becoming more expansive. I am open to receive finally. Letting in the light is loving myself totally and not blocking it with self doubt or fear. I have to relearn this natural receiving of the love of God.

It is always there, but I was blocking it with idols. I was looking outside myself for love. And it failed. Every time I tried, it failed. I suck at being human! All my relationships have failed.

I am so grateful. Now I realize it was always my Self I was seeking and I have found it.

This is all just a reminder to look within and find real happiness that is eternal. It never dies. Jesus is adamant about this. He is constantly, throughout the Course in Miracles, telling me to look within and I will see him. He is there. Unless I am afraid to look within, then I won't experience his love. But, if not...there he is. And he is me. This is eternal immortal love. It flows in and outside me. I have nothing to say about it. I just open up and receive it and it is healing every cell of my body. It is healing every thought in my mind.

I am not separate from that exquisite love that pours through me and out into the Universe. I am so happy this is true. I need do nothing. I am the love that I seek.

All I had to do was uncover the fears that were showing me that all my attempts at a special relationship were doomed to fail. Of course, because the special love relationship is a working out of vengeance on the past. So, in that sense, it never works out. It is always a huge disappointment. Why? Because THE PAST IS GONE. It doesn't make sense to try to solve it by another attempt at seeking outside for the love of God. It is time to put my toys away and stop the nonsense. I am what love is. I do not need to look outside for it. Period.

I've been reading The Song of Songs and Enlightenment by Dorothy Elder. I love it because it is showing me that to truly reach enlightenment, you have to let go of your ideas of what love is and what you are. You are in a mystical marriage of Creator and Son. This is singular. You are merging again with your Creator. You were asleep and now you waking up to the total experience of the divine love that is what you are! It is so exciting. I find myself in states of utter happiness and ecstasy.

Most of the time, I am just so grateful. I can only thank God that He has ceaselessly loved me since I was created. I can be grateful that I was willing to go through anything at all to have this happen to me. And that it is all a miracle.

I just found that in looking at my fear of being alone, I simply asked Jesus, okay, I see I am full of fear, but what am I really afraid of here? Do you know what he told me? I am afraid of my perfection.

Isn't that amazing? I am only afraid of myself. And guess what? I am my Self and it is Perfect. I have nothing to say about it. I have to be myself. That's it! How simple is salvation.

Blessings!