There Is Nothing To Fear

The presence of fear is a sure sign that you are trusting in your own strength.

I remember when I first left my parent's home to go to college. I had grown up around eight siblings and two parents, and the support system was intact. Although it was a chaotic household, I spent a good deal of time in my room, away from the noise, practicing my clarinet and reading. I loved books and loved quiet time. But when I arrived at the university and sat in my room and my friend left me there to return home, I was stricken with an intense anxiety attack.

I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe. I didn't know what was happening to me. I just knew I was deeply afraid. But where did this fear come from? Why did it suddenly just occur out of nowhere? It was so strange, yet I had no answer for it. I was all alone.

There was nobody around that knew me or loved me. I'll never forget that feeling, because it was the beginning of my awakening. My question was: why am I so afraid? I tried to find the answer in the church where I grew up. But it didn't help. I felt lost and didn't know where to go for the answer. It was terrible, and I could only pour myself into school work.

I was so deeply affected by everything. I fell in love in my freshman year, moved in with my boyfriend, and then after a year, it was over. I went into a deep depression. I kept reading philosophy, existentialism. This helped. I knew I was not the only one who had felt the impossibility of this human existence.

I had to live my life, move to New York, get married, try to find a career that suited me. Then, I got pregnant and had two boys. I was always looking for a way out of this situation, because having what I wanted, a house, money, children....wasn't really fulfilling me. I still felt that deep fear underneath everything.

I didn't know what to do. I begged for help.

That fear never left me until I found the Course. It answered every question I had. You are in an insane situation. You think you are a body, in a world where everything dies. You are the problem. You are separate from your Creator. Yet, it is just a mistake, and it has already been corrected.

I realized I needed help and was willing to do anything to resolve this inner dilemma. Jesus started speaking to me. I listened. I did what he told me to do. I did the lessons of the Course diligently, exactly as it specified. I started teaching in a church and giving myself to this Course entirely. This terrified me too, but I couldn't say no. I had to experience my own awakening by doing all the things that terrified me. Speaking in front of a group was a big one.

I had to learn how to rely on God for everything! And it was so good to go through these fear points with my brothers in the class, with my own imagery. I wanted to know! I wanted to be able to reason, use my mind to release the fear. That is what the Course taught me and what my brothers continue to teach me. I am not alone!

Fear is illusion. All fear is merely an idea that is not true. Communication is sharing ideas, and lighting each others' way. It is so important not to try to solve this on your own. You don't need to, because you are not alone. You need your brother in this. You need someone to reflect your mind to you. It is not a conceptual teaching. It is an experience of joining.

I cannot wait to release my mind, or extend light into anyone's mind. I love it! I love being free and releasing fear. It isn't really important how it gets released, I cannot figure it out. I just want love now. This awakening is a joining with brothers in light, in the truth of love. It is not conceptual at all.

You use the concepts until you let go, and let God in. Let this light change you! Don't stay stuck in an idea, in a judgment thought, in an idea that you already know it. No! Let go entirely into "I don't know, God will show me if I let Him". Then let Him. Let Him tell you of your Self. You are the light of the world. Let this light shine before men. Be the answer that everyone is seeking, and don't ever think it's over. It just keeps extending, broadening, including everything into Itself.

There is indeed, nothing to fear.

I love you!